Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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