Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
