He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
