she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
