omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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