u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
