The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
