Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
