I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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