You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
