just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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