Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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