I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
