Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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