you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
