It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
