grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
