Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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