Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
