I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
