So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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