he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
