i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
