This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was not drunk enough for that final.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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