Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
