FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
