Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
