Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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