nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Found your dick twin last night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
