There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
