you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
