dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
