the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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