Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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