Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
sex in a hospital.. check
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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