Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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