Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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