i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
