Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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