Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
