it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize