so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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