Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
