Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
