After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
