My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
