I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
