barbara walters just said penis...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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