I am spending my child support on dildos
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
