A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
handjob tips. give me some.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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