I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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