So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
