i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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