just come out here and I will go home with you...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You ate ashes out of my bong
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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