I feel like abortions should bother me more
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
