dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
