Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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