Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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