the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
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