i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you traded sex for a burrito?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
