If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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