i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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