Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
