Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
