So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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