He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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