hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
