After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
