so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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