I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
