Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
