I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
