So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I will pee on everything he values.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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